The inner struggle every lasting transformation must endure

Sooner or later, every one of us is confronted with it: something in our lives simply isn't working, and it frustrates us to such an extent that one thing becomes undeniably clear: things cannot go on like this. We can no longer continue living with that feeling. In order to free ourselves from that unpleasant emotion—usually frustration—a change or transformation becomes inevitable. If we are unable to bring about the change in our external world, then an inner transformation becomes necessary. This article is about the transformation we, as individuals, must undergo in order to create the change we want to see in our lives.

A firm decision fuelled by a clear intention

A situation we are all familiar with is the following. One day, we suddenly realise that we no longer feel good in our own body. We may have ignored it for quite some time—consciously or unconsciously—but our favourite pair of jeans has become noticeably tighter around the waist than it used to be, our beautiful woollen winter jumper seems to have shrunk by one or two sizes, and we can barely zip up our perfectly tailored coat anymore. The scales have been trying to tell us the same thing for quite some time, but we also begin to notice that our physical stamina has deteriorated dramatically, that we are far less agile and flexible than we were ten years ago, and that after climbing just twenty steps we are already completely out of breath.

In other words, we are carrying too much weight, we are physically out of shape, we no longer feel fit, we have very little energy, and we simply do not feel comfortable in our own skin anymore.

If we want to feel healthy, fit and energetic again, something will have to change.

Our goal is crystal clear and our decision has been firmly made. We know exactly where we want to go and what the end result should look like. We have a specific number in mind for our ideal body weight, and in our imagination we can already see ourselves wearing a beautiful new outfit in a size small. We look good, we radiate confidence, we feel fit and energetic again, and we want it to stay that way.

The transformation we intend to undergo therefore has to be sustainable and permanent. This means that we will have to adjust our lifestyle by changing our eating habits and becoming more physically active on a regular basis. Filled with determination and guided by a clear intention, we begin the new meal plan we have drawn up together with a dietitian, and we have just completed our first session with a personal trainer.

The law of least resistance: A biological reality

On average, it takes about two weeks before we give up. The inner resistance we experience towards the new eating plan and the strict exercise regime becomes so overwhelming that we quickly abandon our sincere intention and effortlessly slip back into our old habits. We resign ourselves to the powerful belief that change simply isn't convenient right now, that it is too difficult at this stage of our lives, or perhaps even that, at our age, change is no longer possible.

Unfortunately, something entirely different is happening—something we can actually overcome with sufficient perseverance and conscious presence. In order to outsmart our self-sabotaging behaviour (setting aside the self-sabotaging behaviour rooted in trauma), we first need to understand that our brain functions as an advanced prediction machine equipped with an exceptionally strict energy management system.

The brain's primary biological task is to keep us alive as efficiently as possible through a process known as allostasis: constantly predicting and efficiently managing the body's energy resources. In order to conserve energy, the brain tries to automate as much of our daily behaviour as possible. These deeply ingrained habits and routines are stored within the basal ganglia, a network located deeper inside the brain. This system operates like an automatic pilot beneath the threshold of our conscious awareness: it requires very little conscious thought and therefore consumes only a minimal amount of energy.

Whenever we consciously decide to change, however, we must rely on the prefrontal cortex—the front part of the cerebral cortex. The prefrontal cortex acts as the conductor of our most complex mental abilities. It coordinates our critical thinking, willpower, imagination and logical reasoning. It is the driving force behind solving complex problems and using language. This remarkable neural network enables us to set ambitious goals and make deliberate choices, including those that serve our long-term future. Powerful though the prefrontal cortex may be, it also requires a considerable amount of the brain's precious energy, whereas the brain is naturally programmed to conserve that energy wherever possible.

It is not a matter of being spineless, but of energy efficiency

Our ordinary self-sabotaging behaviour (setting trauma responses aside) is therefore not the result of a battle between our "rational" and "emotional" brain, but the direct consequence of a physiological conflict between conscious, energy-consuming planning and the brain's biological drive to conserve energy.

Whenever we set ourselves a new goal or decide that we want to change something in our lives or about ourselves, it is our prefrontal cortex that makes that decision. We can clearly picture the desired outcome and, for a while, we are able to summon enough conscious presence and determination to adopt the new behaviour.

New behaviour, however—such as following a strict eating plan or exercising regularly—places a considerable demand on our brain's energy management system. The neurological pathways that are meant to make this new behaviour automatic (and eventually unconscious) have not yet been established within the basal ganglia. As a result, every conscious decision not to reach for that bar of chocolate, or to go to the gym instead of staying on the sofa, requires an enormous amount of energy from the prefrontal cortex. Leaving behind our familiar routines—better known as our comfort zone—is therefore experienced in our body as genuine physical and mental discomfort.

The discomfort we experience is, in reality, a biological alarm signal. Our energy management system detects the sudden and significant physiological cost of the new behaviour and immediately pulls the emergency brake in an attempt to conserve precious energy. Because this exhausting feeling of resistance can be so intense, we begin to convince ourselves that the discomfort must mean we are doing something wrong, that our goal is unrealistic, or that our intention is simply too demanding for us. And so we give up. We stop persevering. The brain's energy-saving system overpowers the conscious intention we made with our prefrontal cortex and gently steers us back towards our familiar, automatic and far more energy-efficient routines.

How to outsmart your brain's energy management system

Once we understand that what we call "self-sabotage" is actually the normal consequence of our brain's remarkably intelligent energy conservation system, the door opens to working with it instead of against it. Whenever you attempt to make large, life-changing adjustments, every physiological alarm bell inside the basal ganglia starts going off. The trick, therefore, is to make the change so small that your brain's energy management system barely notices it. In other words, you take tiny steps outside your comfort zone—steps that are genuinely new but create only a minimal amount of resistance or discomfort.

The following strategies will quietly guide your new goal or intention past your brain's biological emergency brake:

• Make the change microscopic. Don't immediately place a substantial demand on the energy resources of your prefrontal cortex. Instead of deciding to "go to the gym for an hour five times a week", begin with "a ten-minute walk every day" or "one healthy meal each day". These tiny actions require so little additional physiological effort that your brain hardly detects them, meaning the alarm signal—experienced as resistance and discomfort—is never fully activated.

• Attach the new behaviour to an existing habit. Make clever use of the basal ganglia, which are already running on automatic pilot. Anchor your new intention to a routine that has long since become second nature. For example: "When I make my first cup of coffee in the morning (existing habit), I immediately fill a large bottle of water to place on my desk (new behaviour)." In this way, you are effectively hitching a free ride on the brain's existing, energy-efficient neural infrastructure.

• Focus on repetition rather than intensity. During the first few weeks, your objective should not be to lose several kilos or pounds straight away, but simply to build a new neural pathway within your basal ganglia. Every time you repeat your tiny new habit, that pathway becomes a little wider and a little stronger. The more often you repeat it, the less energy your prefrontal cortex has to invest. Continue until, after approximately two months—or around sixty days—it has become an automatic habit that no longer requires conscious effort or willpower.

  
  

From resistance to a lasting sense of ease and flow

Sustainable transformation does not have to be a matter of brute willpower or a relentless battle against yourself. If you want to approach it intelligently, you can begin to see personal transformation as a fruitful collaboration with your brilliant biology.

The next time you feel that intense inner resistance or that uncomfortable sense of unease beginning to arise, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not weak, you are not doing anything wrong, and you are certainly not too old to change. It is simply a signal that your brain's energy regulation system is trying to protect your physiological balance. Recognise the feeling for what it is: a perfectly normal biological alarm signal designed to keep you safe. Embrace it, take one deep breath in and out, and then take that one microscopic step forwards.

This is how you outsmart your brain, one small step at a time, until your new comfort zone has become your reality.

What if these strategies fail to work?

Do you find that you continue to experience overwhelming resistance and difficulties during a process of personal transformation, or that personal change does not merely encounter resistance and feelings of discomfort, but also triggers deep fear and other distressing emotions?

If that is the case, then it may no longer be a question of an energy-saving system simply carrying out its physiological function efficiently, but rather that something else is happening at a deeper, unconscious level. It is entirely possible that, as a child, you developed certain behaviours or coping mechanisms in order to survive an emotionally unsafe environment or upbringing. Those behaviours and survival strategies were once absolutely essential to your personal safety and are extraordinarily powerful. Your survival and emotional wellbeing depended upon them. In such circumstances, the strategies described above are simply not sufficient to dismantle those deeply ingrained behavioural patterns in order to make room for healthier, more desirable ways of living.

I am reminded of the story of a young woman who struggled enormously with obesity. She had sought guidance from countless dietitians and nutrition specialists and had tried what felt like every diet imaginable in an attempt to lose weight and feel healthier and more energetic. At the same time, she was also working with a therapist on issues unrelated to her weight. During one of those therapy sessions, it emerged that, as a child, she had repeatedly come into contact with a paedophile who specifically targeted attractive young girls for sexual abuse. With the innocent logic of a child, she had unconsciously reached a conclusion that made perfect sense to her at the time: "If I am ugly, overweight and unattractive, I will not be sexually abused. I will stay out of harm's way. I will be SAFE". From that moment onwards, her young mind did everything it could to make sure she looked overweight and unattractive, because that had become her strategy for staying alive and protecting herself.

During childhood, in moments of genuine emotional or physical danger, these are remarkably intelligent survival strategies that our young and immature minds create in order to endure circumstances that would otherwise overwhelm us. The problem is that these brilliant protective strategies, which were once essential for our emotional and physical safety, do not simply disappear once we reach adulthood. They remain active long after we have left the unsafe or dangerous environment behind. They gradually become part of our unconscious behavioural repertoire, part of our personality. They become so deeply embedded within the basal ganglia that we eventually start believing that this is simply who we ARE.

If you recognise yourself in repeatedly trying to change a particular habit, pattern or behaviour, only to find that nothing ever seems to work, then it is entirely possible that an old and remarkably powerful protective mechanism is still operating beneath the surface. And if you feel that you are ready to look beyond the surface and uncover what is really keeping that mechanism alive, I would like to invite you to book a free introductory call with me (hello@unlockyourbestself.today). Together we can explore how I can support you, through a personalised one-to-one coaching program, in creating the lasting transformation you are longing for.

With warmth, An-Karlien