Book review of “The Fountain, find your place” by Els van Steijn

Understanding the deep, unseen dynamics within family systems can profoundly change how we approach life and personal and professional development. In "The Fountain, find your place, Els van Steijn translates complex systemic principles into accessible insights for individuals seeking more alignment in life. By using the metaphor of a fountain, the book offers a clear framework for understanding family systems and highlights the path toward personal empowerment. This book draws heavily on the theories of family constellations, pioneered by Bert Hellinger, making it both a powerful self-help tool and an insightful read for those interested in personal development. 

The foundation of the book: Bert Hellinger's work on family systems

Els van Steijn’s The Fountain is deeply rooted in the principles of family constellations, developed by Bert Hellinger. Hellinger’s work revolves around understanding family dynamics and the hidden forces that shape individuals’ lives. He proposed that unresolved issues within a family can continue to affect descendants, creating invisible patterns that repeat across generations.

Hellinger’s theory emphasizes that individuals are unconsciously entangled in their family systems. Without realizing it, people take on roles that don’t belong to them—roles that may limit their potential, cause emotional suffering, or create blocks in various aspects of their lives. The concept of "systemic loyalty" suggests that people remain loyal to their family by repeating destructive patterns, sometimes at the cost of their personal (and professional) success or happiness.

Summary:

- Bert Hellinger's family constellations theory is the foundation of The Fountain.

- Individuals are often trapped in invisible family dynamics that repeat across generations.

- These systemic roles can lead to personal and professional stagnation.

The Fountain: A metaphor for the family system

At the heart of The Fountain is the metaphor of the fountain itself, which Els van Steijn uses to explain family systems. The idea is simple yet powerful: Picture a fountain with multiple tiers, where water flows naturally from one level to the next. Each tier represents a different generation of your family, with the highest tiers symbolizing your ancestors, and the lower tiers representing younger generations, including yourself.

In a healthy family system, each person stands in their rightful place in this fountain. The energy and wisdom flow downward in harmony, allowing each generation to support the next. However, when family members step out of place—either by taking on roles that belong to others or by rejecting their position—this balance is disrupted, creating blockages and imbalances.

Van Steijn explains that standing in your rightful place within your family’s fountain allows you to receive support and pass it down to others. If you are positioned incorrectly, either by trying to "rescue" those above or bearing the weight of those below, the entire system suffers.

Key insights:

- The fountain metaphor illustrates the importance of each person standing in their rightful place in a family system.

- When people step out of their place, the flow of energy and balance is disrupted.

- Correcting your position within the fountain can restore personal strength and clarity. 

The laws governing family systems and the role of family conscience

Van Steijn also explores the three main laws that govern family systems, according to Hellinger’s theory:

1. The law of Belonging: Everyone in the family has the right to belong, regardless of their status, actions, or past mistakes.

2. The law of Order: There is a natural hierarchy in families, typically based on the order of birth and generational position.

3. The law of Balance: Relationships within a family need to maintain a balance between giving and taking.

When these laws are broken, a family system becomes dysfunctional. For instance, when someone is excluded from the family (breaking the Law of Belonging), or when younger generations take on the responsibilities of their elders (breaking the Law of Order), this disrupts the balance within the system.

The family conscience plays a crucial role here. It is an invisible force that works to maintain these systemic laws. When the family conscience detects a violation of these laws, it pushes individuals to unconsciously "correct" the imbalance, often by taking on burdens or repeating harmful patterns.

Key takeaways:

- Family systems are governed by the laws of Belonging, Order, and Balance.

- Violations of these laws create dysfunction and systemic imbalance.

- The family conscience ensures these laws are upheld, often leading individuals to unconsciously bear the consequences.

Symptoms of dysfunctional family systems

When individuals are out of alignment within their family system, it manifests in various symptoms. These can range from emotional struggles to professional difficulties. Van Steijn highlights some key symptoms:

- Emotional blockages: Feeling stuck, anxious, or overwhelmed without understanding the root cause.

- Self-sabotage: Unknowingly repeating self-destructive behaviors, such as procrastination or fear of success.

- Relationship struggles: Difficulty forming healthy, balanced relationships.

- Professional limitations: Despite being highly capable, you may find yourself unable to reach your full potential due to invisible blocks.

These symptoms often stem from a violation of one of the family system’s laws. For example, if a person unconsciously takes on the responsibility for an elder's pain or failure, it can prevent them from fully stepping into their own power.

Summary:

- Symptoms of systemic dysfunction include emotional blocks, self-sabotage, and personal and professional struggles.

- These issues often arise when someone takes on roles that don’t belong to them within the family system.

Consequences of violating family system laws

When family system laws are ignored, the consequences ripple through generations. Unresolved trauma, pain, or systemic imbalance can pass down from parents to children and even grandchildren. This can affect not only personal happiness but also the ability to form healthy relationships and achieve professional success.

Van Steijn explains that failing to address these systemic issues perpetuates a cycle of dysfunction. For example, someone who takes on their parents' unresolved issues might unconsciously pass those same patterns on to their own children.

The long-term consequences include:

- Generational trauma: Unresolved issues are inherited by future generations.

- Repetitive patterns: The same problems and limitations show up repeatedly across generations.

- Impact on well-being: Both mental and physical health can suffer when systemic dynamics are not addressed.

Key insights:

- Unresolved systemic issues can pass through generations.

- Repetitive patterns, inherited trauma, and emotional blockages often continue until addressed.

- Healing these issues not only benefits the individual but also future generations.

Healing through family constellations and systemic coaching

Van Steijn offers a solution through family constellations and systemic coaching, tools that help individuals uncover and heal hidden family dynamics. These methods make the invisible visible, allowing people to see the patterns they’ve inherited and step out of dysfunctional roles.

In a family constellation session, individuals physically represent different family members or roles in a group setting. This process reveals the underlying dynamics at play. By understanding these dynamics, individuals can begin to correct their place in the family system, thereby restoring balance and healing.

Systemic coaching takes a similar approach, focusing on helping individuals understand and heal from their inherited roles. Both methods aim to restore balance within the family system, so individuals can reclaim their rightful place, allowing the flow of energy and support to return.

Benefits of family constellations:

- Make invisible family dynamics visible

- Help individuals understand their inherited roles

- Restore balance and flow within the family system

- Enable individuals to lead more empowered, balanced lives

Conclusion: The power of The Fountain metaphor

"The Fountain, find your place" is an insightful and accessible book that sheds light on the hidden dynamics within family systems. The metaphor of the fountain makes these complex ideas understandable, offering readers a clear path to restoring balance in their lives. By understanding the systemic forces that influence our personal lives, we can regain our personal power and live in alignment with the laws that govern family systems.

For anyone seeking to understand the invisible forces shaping their life, this book provides a practical and insightful guide. By claiming your rightful place in your family system, you can heal old wounds and empower yourself to achieve personal and professional success.

Available formats: 

- Hardcover, e-book, and audiobook in Dutch and English on Els van Steijn’s website: https://elsvansteijn.nl/boeken 

- English Kindle version available on Amazon.com