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My story
My name is An-Karlien, and I am the daughter of an exceptionally violent narcissistic mother and an absent father who was addicted to alcohol. What I remember most about my childhood and teenage years is feeling incredibly alone, not knowing what love, warmth and support were, and having to work hard and achieve in order to be seen and heard, even just once.
I was invisible.
Not a child but a thing.
I was completely disconnected from my inner world and had to live in denial in order to get through the days more or less intact and not emotionally collapse. I had to suppress my emotions – there was no room for them in a family where my mother claimed all the emotional bandwidth with her almost daily emotional outbursts and terror. It was only after I turned 40 that I discovered that I, too, have needs and that there could be room for my emotions as well... .
My salvation.
The fact that she threw me out onto the street when I was 19 – after first giving me a beating – turned out to be my salvation. A few months earlier, I had already attempted to take my own life. I couldn’t go on anymore. I was completely exhausted and had reached my limit.
If I had remained within her sphere of influence, I would now – without a doubt – either be dead or locked up in a psychiatric institution, struggling with mental and emotional disorders on top of an alcohol and drug addiction.
The beginning of my recovery.
The insight only came years later. I only started reading about narcissism after my divorce, when a friend warned me about the narcissistic traits of a new partner. The articles and texts about Narcissistic Personality Disorder that she sent me suddenly gave me crystal-clear insight. I immediately recognised my mother in them and, in an instant, understood that my unusual and loveless childhood had not been caused by me! Finally, I could put a name to it. What I had experienced for years, what had been done to me, was not a “difficult childhood” but severe emotional abuse and neglect. My mother was not a caring and loving woman, but an emotionally immature child in an adult’s body who terrorised her family. And I... I was the child who had been the victim of it.
That insight was the beginning of my recovery.
Why I do this work.
Now, many beautiful but intense years later, I am a certified trauma coach and call myself an “Empowerment Coach”. I have specialised in dysfunctional and toxic family dynamics and the deeply rooted trauma that develops and lives within these families – trauma that crosses generations and places an unbearable burden on those who are trapped within them.
Like few others, I know the crushing burden of guilt and shame that children in such families carry with them from a very young age. I know how the perverse secrets within these family systems live deep beneath the surface and must remain hidden from the outside world at all costs.
My mission.
I understand – from personal experience – what sacrifices have to be made and how much inner strength is needed to escape these toxic dynamics. I know how difficult it is to resist the all-encompassing pull of loyalty that keeps young as well as adult children trapped in these unhealthy dynamics, causing them to completely lose themselves and lose connection with their personal source of power.
It is my mission to support women and men who have been victims of neglect, mistreatment and abuse from a very young age – mentally, emotionally and physically. I help these beautiful people rediscover their personal power, transform their trauma and survival strategies, and find their way back to themselves. So that they can take back the reins of their lives, remember who they truly are, and finally create the life they deserve.
With love and light,